When you boil it down, problems in this area always come down to a problem in how we express our love – to others and to ourselves. Let me explain…
Our heart is the centre of the life giving force in our bodies. It circulates blood around our bodies, bringing the nutrients which are needed to each and every cell and taking away the waste. At a basic level, there isn’t anything more loving and nurturing that that – meeting our basic needs for survival.
The heart also has been said to be the seat of the emotions. When we feel emotional pain, we often associate it with a feeling in our heart area.
So what happens when we experience emotional pain in our hearts? Well a healthy person will feel the pain, process it, maybe make some changes in his/her life so it doesn’t happen again and recover.
However, if the pain was too severe, or we didn’t have the support we needed to heal, we start to close up our hearts. Or maybe we learn that it isn’t cool to show affection, so we learn to become distant and closed. If we aren’t feeling loved in our lives (note: this isn’t the same as the reality of not being loved – we’re just talking about feelings here), we can start to feel we don’t deserve love and if that is the case, it’s a short step to not loving ourselves.
A great many people feel this on some level.
When we start to wall up our hearts and we start to respond differently to the world. We start to hold back instead of giving freely and we start to feel suspicious instead of being open to receiving. We start to calculate what we will get back from giving love as if it was a limited commodity rather than an endless energy.
When you add to that society’s expectations from the past that we put work before family time (often more male-oriented) or putting others before ourselves (often more female-oriented), we compound the situation even further.
If this imbalance isn’t corrected, ie we learn to love openly and freely, we are likely to end up with physical problems.
If we can’t express our love for others, our heart becomes closed off. We put up walls around ourselves and this can manifest itself physically in our arteries – the mechanism for bringing nutrients to our body. Hardened arteries can lead to heart murmurs and ultimately a heart attack or stroke.
A lack of love for self can cause an imbalance in our thymus gland which regulates our immune and lymph systems. If we don’t look after our needs, we can come down with a cold as our immune system doesn’t function as well as it otherwise might. Another way is that our lymph system doesn’t clear away toxins and we put fat cells down to contain them. Weight gain can often come down to lack of self-love. And ultimately, if our lymph tissues are blocked under our arms and our immune systems are not working effectively, we can end up with breast cancer.
Now, there are obviously other factors that contribute to these diseases. Nutrition and a healthy lifestyle are also important, but consider this – how loving is it to eat crap food and generally not look after ourselves. Sometimes the patterns we act out have a deeper cause.
So, how do we learn to love? Well the easiest way to start is affirmations. “I love myself” is probably one of the best ones. “I am able to express my love openly and freely” is another good one. All you have to do is say these. It helps if you stand in front of a mirror, but it’s not essential. I’d recommend about 20 times a day and keep it up until you notice a shift (at least a month).
To start with, you may feel uncomfortable saying them. Rest assured, these words cannot hurt you. If you giggle or feel silly, accept it and continue. The more you say them, the more you will start to believe them and changes will happen.
If you want some help, then a kinesiology session can show you and then resolve the events which caused your imbalance in expressing love in the first place. Please contact me for more details.
I wish you all lots of love on your journey to opening your hearts.